I'm Getting Married . . . To Myself

So says Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw.  And you know what, I am going to take a page out of her book.  While some of you understand where this post is heading for others, this statement probably requires an explanation.  I shall gladly oblige.  You see, as I approach the end of grad school, it is daily becoming clearer that I won't just be facing the prospect of having a job and responsibilities and the harsh reality that is the ever so cliché "real life."  There is so much more to it than that.  I find myself rather ill-equipped to face all of the wonderful things that await me outside of Bruges.  Sure, I have the education, I have the brains, and occasionally I can muster the confidence.  What I am missing is far simpler than all of that, yet incredibly more elusive.  I am missing the monogrammed towels, the Kitchen Aid mixer and the matching china set.
Again, let me explain.  Last summer - the summer after I graduated from college as a very single, very happy, very independent individual - I watched as six of my friends posted pictures of their weddings on Facebook.  Over the past two years I have attended or been invited to at least 5 bridal showers.   This summer I have more weddings, showers, and other friend's future happiness to be involved in.  And as I continue to shell out for plane tickets, dresses, and Crate & Barrel gift cards, I have decided that it is now time to take a stand.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am by no means lamenting my current marital status.  Nor am I complaining about showering gifts upon many dear friends and deserving couples.  I am simply pointing out the fact that, in our highly developed culture, we think that getting married means you deserve loads of free stuff with which to start your new life.  And while I don't disagree with this practice or the underlying concept, I would just like to point out the shortsighted nature of the system.  Because all of those girls exiting the church steps in frilly white dresses and us lonesome graduates have something in common.  We graduates may not be walking down the aisle anytime soon, but we are facing an empty apartments and most likely un- (or significantly underpaid) employment just the same.
So I would just like to know where the "I'm entering the real world" registry is located at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  Where do I sign up for the "I just graduated from grad school" bonus at Macy's?  And where on earth is the "Congrats!  I'm an adult" poster at Party City?  Why is it that we celebrate marriage like it's an accomplishment?  Everyone is  pleased to help a happy couple start their new life together.  Well, news flash, we loners are starting our lives too.  We are just doing it in the absence of blenders, toasters, pillows, his and her towels and synthetic bamboo napkin rings.  Instead of being capable of furnishing our lives like our fettered friends, we can only hope to be able to bedeck our walls with some awesome framed inspirational quotes whilst recording our lonely, but highly evolved, thoughts in about 5 Moleskin journals.
I love all of my married, engaged, hopelessly in love friends.  But I'm not gonna lie; I am fighting for equal treatment.  So here it is.  I am getting married, to myself.  As soon as I can find somewhere that recognizes same-person unions, I'll let you know where I have registered.  In the meantime, I urge you to consider this peculiar societal tradition.  We love to love the lovers.  But please, don't forget the over-educated loners.  We need muffin pans and duvet covers too.

Peace, Love, and Waffles.